It's the little things...

It is both frightening and liberating to think about leaving everything behind except for whatever can be shoved into two 70 pound suitcases and a carry-on bag. The experience has totally changed how I prioritize the minutest of day to day activities. I come home and nearly every day burn my favorite candles. The ones I specifically requested for my birthday because I'm too cheap to buy the REALLY nice smelling ones for myself. I add copious amounts of my favorite liqueur in my coffee instead of the cheaper one I bought on sale. I wear my favorite and most comfortable jeans, even if I'm just lounging around my apartment. I've already nearly eaten all of Cadbury Cream Eggs that I usually have carefully stored in my freezer, rationed out to last until next Easter. And it's only June! And, oh, my car.

So, I'm a car girl. I think I owe to my dad. I spent every Wednesday for most of my adolescence at Portland International Roadway watching the drag races. He raced cars most of his life. I really love my car. The cozy leather seats hug me lovingly. The seat heaters on a chilly morning are analogous to a hot toddy as it warms you from the inside on a snowy winter evening. The sound of it as I tap the accelerator gives me chills. I just love that sound. Mostly I like the feeling of instant power and control as I hit the accelerator, easily taking over most other vehicles and knowing there is little they can do to thwart my approach as I gracefully advance and easily swerve and pass them. Good times.

Even though I know the car is a luxury, there is still something more visceral, more intensely meaningful about knowing that in a short period of time these material objects will no longer be in my possession. There is an odd, yet comforting, relationship between the challenging emotional intensity of this whole experience and the heightened appreciation for things once taken for granted. A certain symbiotic yin and yang exists that somehow, even in the throws of what often feels like total chaos, brings the cosmos into balance. I'm leaving it all behind, but there is an amazing beauty in experiencing things again for the first time.